Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Right now thank goodness this page is just my journal. It is private to me and I feel safe putting things here….like my weight yesterday!! I didn’t weigh myself this morning but I DID go work out. 30 mins on the elliptical machine with the Ipod DH got me so I could go back to the gym. It was good to get a real workout and stretch in. It is a good thing I like to work out! At least I have that going for me. Got my wrist bank for Zumba tonight with Julie. I hope I don’t chicken out.

Diet was bad, bad, bad yesterday even though I said I was starting a new week…that is what I get for not planning ahead. McDonalds for breakfast (however only got 1 sausage biscuit), Wendy’s for lunch (grilled chicken combo with both buns), and Chili’s for dinner (chips and salsa with queso, bacon ranch chicken quesadilla) and do-si-do girl scout cookies for an after dinner munchies…..I don’t want to do the calorie count but today will be better.

Chicken seems to be a theme here…good think I like chicken!

Monday, March 14, 2011

If I was only as skinny as I was when I thought I was fat!

I was a skinny child until I quit swimming competitively at 10 and started putting on weight. I had it easier then a lot of fat kids because I always had friends.

Being 160 lbs growing up in Southern California in the 80's made my teenage years pretty hard. I WISH I WAS THAT SKINNY NOW! Here I am 25+ years from my hay day as a 16 year old wishing I could fit into that cute size 14 Calvin Klein denim mini skirt! That my arms could hang at the side without bulging out at the sides. My face was always round I really wouldn’t say I had a full double chin.

I am 41 and at my heaviest weight EVER!!! I feel awful. MASSIVE and out of control. I keep saying that weight loss for me now is a matter of health improvement and not vanity but my vanity always wins. I want it off and I want it off NOW!! According to my digital scale this morning I am 287.4.

I have tried so many diets that have helped get me to where I am now I am confused where to turn to start making changes in my life again but I am determined to do it now. I was tested last year for disabilities and was boarder line but still on the good side but I am scared I have passed that now but too scared to be tested again.

Not that I expect anyone to read or follow this blog but I feel that I need to put it out there to make this commitment to myself, somewhere to come to be accountable to